Five Things That Are More Useful Than a Narcissist During Stressful Times:
1. A chocolate teapot. Can be eaten with a spoon after it melts all over your stove.
2. A car made out of sugar. Good for starting conversations.
3. A chia pet named after your ex-toad. Can be thrown against the side of a toolshed, which makes a very satisfying thud and crashing sound.
4. A hand-drawn $4 bill. Can be crumpled and used to start a campfire.
5. A burned-out lightbulb. Can hold it over your head and make jokes about how your ideas were so brilliant that they blew out the lightbulb over your head.