Freedom means doing a hard thing.

Bridge du Toad

Bridge du Toad

It’s hard for emotionally generous people to burn bridges.  And yet, that’s what you gotta do to get rid of the embarrassing rash on your life known as the narcissist.  It burns like iodine on a knife wound, and I assure you it makes no more sense to keep a toad in your life than it does to deliberately infect and pick at that knife wound in order to keep it sore and in your life as long as possible.



Bridges keeping alive a relationship with a toad benefit the toad, and only the toad.  They’re really unhealthy for you.  So, whether you blow it up in a blaze of fireworks, quietly burn it in a private bonfire, or reduce it to a pile of rubble in a final earthquake of ceremony and pomp: Get rid of the bridge allowing the toad access to your heart.  That bridge leads to Misery, and Gaslighting, and Lies and Manipulation and Torment — all places where he lives, and where sane folk don’t wanna go.  Look at it, closely: it’s not even that great of a bridge.


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8 Responses to Freedom means doing a hard thing.

  1. Judy Lindsey

    Very well said !
    I’m very blessed to have my toad out of my life and that bridge burnt !
    I now have my last name back legally and I am soooooo happy .

  2. April

    Why is it so hard to light the match that leads to the bomb that blows up the bridge? I keep asking myself why I still care and love him so much, why my heart tells me I want him back, and why I still break down sobbing, especially when I absolutely KNOW I was in a relationship with Satan himself, who is now laughing his head off that he broke my heart, took away my ability to trust and pulled one off on a woman who thought she was smart and had her wits about her.

    • Mary

      In response to April, you won’t be the only one out there to feel those feelings, but remember and I have to remind myself daily often a hundred times,,, that man you loved and long for to come back is a cheap facade, he is Satan, a wolf I Sheep’s clothes!!! He is not real!! He is a cruel calculating cold monster and yes I know some days it hurts like hell but girl… Do you really want to spend more hours of your precious life loving a fantasy??? My N has run back to his mistress, convinced her I am bonkers and a liar… The same thing he said to me about his first wife … I feel rejected and hurt but then in my more lucid and rational moment… I know that actually I rejected him, I filed the divorce papers cause I had married a fantasy!! In the long run, I will have my self respect and dignity.. The poor woman he has sucked in has been abused in a previous marriage… Hell they know how to pick their victims, the worst thing is, she had talked to my boys whom my N beat, she knows the truth of what he did to me and his first ex wife, yet she’s gone there knowingly… N’s are evil con merchants with no conscience. Do NOT waste any more time on this man, he was never worthy of you or the love you have him. Stay strong. X

  3. WL

    It has taken a year to start tearing down the bridge to my heart. We met young and have been together for 25 years. With serious individual therapy, couples therapy and a lot of introspection, I have ended up here. Hope is a killer in this type of relationship. Keep in mind that the N will try to get any attention while this process happens. Unfortunately, zero contact is not an option for me, there are children involved. My N could switch from yelling a name when dropping the children off, to calling me a few hours later to tell me how much he loved me. He was always full of empty gestures. A classic sign of a narcissist. One question to ask, if you are curious at all, is why they love you. Watch the squirm factor. They will almost always list your characteristics that best serve them!
    Do not live in hope. I went to couples therapy with mine and had the therapist (male) look him in the eye and tell my N that I was not an extension of him. That I had my own ideas and views and that, despite my N’s best effort, that I am a person with my own self and identity. No light bulb went off. Instead he continued to justify his bad choices (alcohol dependency, strip clubs and lap dances, emotional affairs, and hanging out and drinking with secretary and other subordinates). I wish I could tell you that recovery is an option, possibly some do, but I wouldn’t wait to find out. Start rebuilding your life and self esteem. That is the only road out.

    • Carmen

      Haha! We were married for 25 years. My daughter bought a card and a present for him to give me. He couldn’t be bothered, too busy, bla bla bla. The card he wrote read like a job evaluation. Seriously! I should have asked for a raise. Instead I kicked him out a couple of weeks later. Found out he was a narc a week later thanks to Aunt Alex and others.
      Toad free now and very happy. Burnt my bridges (after a lot of thought and asking myself what was good for me for a change), would have loved to stick some dynamite in a place where the sun don’t shine as well at the time. What a big green mess that would have made.

  4. cindy lu

    Burning bridges is hard and sometimes you feel burned in the process… but you heal… takes a long time, but you heal.

  5. Pingback: Reblog from Freedom Means Doing a Hard Thing | JerkBusters

  6. Mary

    I broke it off yesterday and I want him back so badly I’m tempted every second to retract it, take it back. I know he’ll take me back but then I’ll be punished, and punished, and punished. Help me!

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