A Bad Case of the Dangles

If you’ve been with a narcissist, chances are you’ve got the Dangles. This is standard, common-grade narcissism: The guy comes back after pulling away, far away, only to dangle shiny words, promises, and other attention-grabbers in front of you looking for a response.

Waiting for ol’ narcissist-boy to stop with the constant post-breakup contact, sucking you back into his mind-maul world and trashing your soul and ego even more than before? (And who knew that was even possible?) Wondering when he’ll finally leave you alone and quit with the Dangles, so you can heal?

Got that answer for you right here. Now, where did I put it?… I just had it… Ah, here it is:


As long as the toad thinks he can pull you close enough to suck more of your energy, as long as he thinks you’ll give him the time of day, as long as he thinks you’ll play along and be a good little victim (seriously, this is how he thinks), he’s going to come back for more. 100% guaranteed. More energy, good vibes, attention, and drama for him; more misery, disappointment and frustration for you. 100% guaranteed. Ah, the luxury of certainty! The comfort and security of a sure thing!


To get rid of this albatross around your neck and his stupid Dangles, you need to take matters into your own hands. YOU need to end it. YOU need to derail his train of destruction and soul-stomping that’s barreling through your life.

Fortunately, this isn’t hard. As soon as you cut off the free, unrequited love and attention, as soon as he realizes you’re not giving out emotional SWAG anymore, the mooch will go away. He’ll come back later, just to check; tell him he’s a bore and then ignore him, and he’ll check in with decreasing frequency. Once he gets it that you see him for what he is and that he’ll get nothing more from you, he’ll give up and go away.

The truth of this hurts. But you’ll get over the pain of moving forward; you’d never get over the pain of trying to work with him.

So, when Narcy-Pants comes along and dangles sweet words or promises in front of you looking for your willingness to play along, see it for the Dangles infection that it is, hit the delete button, and get rid of the problem once and for all.


Filed under Uncategorized

8 Responses to A Bad Case of the Dangles

  1. Case

    This is so true! And with each time he crawls back, and I muster the strength to ignore him, my self esteem builds. I can finally say “NO” and not feel guilty. By the way, I am tickled pink reading all of these posts. They offer such a funny perspective on an otherwise soul-crushing experience. I love it!

  2. Yes! And I’ve been keylogged since 2009. How revolting!

  3. Sharynsharealike

    These posts are amazing to me. I am so glad that you put a “face” on a slippery, confusing feeling I get when I am around a certain guy. In my case, it is very subtle to the point that I am already second guessing myself. But I will read on, and am determined to keep my eyes open. Thank you for your insight…..

  4. Christine

    Going through this now-in the thick of it with husband of only three years! The torment started fast and hard after marriage, e.g. he got his crony cop friends to arrest me after HE had attacked ME! Anyway, what do I do with the fear of what he’ll do if I DON”T keep giving him N-supply? I wrangled part ownership of property he owns, and I want to keep it and tell him to go to hell. But will I get stomped to death – legally, spiritually, physically? He has me so shaken…

  5. Ann

    Haha, I keep thinking of your book. What was it? A dead stinking albatross round your neck? I only have to picture that to feel sick to my stomach!

  6. anon

    This site shows me everything I don’t want to see.
    I have to share my dangle experience from a couple of days ago.
    After chatting online all day and being given little straws that she still misses me under it all (yes, she. Lesbian narc experience) she sent me a random text that night asking me if this communication is “giving me hope” because her friend had pointed it out and if it is that is unfair as she still feels the same and there is no more us.
    After some back and forth communication she says “you are very important to me and I want you in my life” so, naturally, I ask why. Her response
    “because that’s where you belong. Where I want you. As long as you want to be there, I guess”
    The arrogance of this statement floored me and cemented my suspicion that “the love of my life” is a complete narcissist.

  7. Bella

    I’m so confused and I’m hoping someone can help shed some light on this. Me and my N had an explosive break-up, where I was doing most of the exploding. His response to all of my admittedly below-the-belt remarks (a girl can only take so much…) was oddly devoid of any anger. But he was never the disrespectful or loud type anyway, he was the kind that would quietly seethe with jealousy/anger/resentment/frustration/anxiety and was a master of withholding (sex/time/communication/love). I didn’t even realize I was with an N (even though, ironically enough, I’ve always known my father was a raging N) until I started educating myself about the way N’s behave in intimate relationships. The reason why I’m confused is that my N behaved in ways that just don’t show up in the list of classic N behavior. He wasn’t a showoff, he wasn’t loud, although he never initiated a conversation or asked any questions he was attentive when I was talking, he was physically very loving and very consistent, etc. And then when we broke up he appeared to drop off the face of the planet. There’s no facebook activity, no texts, no crank calls, none of that. I know for a fact that he dumped the women he was seeing on the side. Is that the behavior of a narcissist also? Was I with someone who was obviously emotionally damaged but who wasn’t a full-fledged narcissist? Is there a “quiet” type? Should I brace myself for the ultimate comeback? I just don’t know what to think anymore. Please help me understand this madness. Thank you for your blog and for helping so many women like me out there!

  8. Sherry

    A lot of folks talk about wanting to warn future victims but something tells me that they TOO must walk this path to gain their power back at the end. I feel more passion about saying “sorry” to the exes I unknowingly helped to devalue in endless smear campaigns. I wish I could tell them “Im Sorry! I KNOW what you went through and it was awful!…if only I had known I would have supported YOU and walked away sooner.” So for whatever its worth, to those who are being triangulated through new victims…stay strong, they know not what they do today but someday they will be your sister too. Through that we all have a connection.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *