Monthly Archives: May 2016

by Aunt Alex | May 31, 2016 · 11:56 pm

Let’s Talk About Boundaries.

Hello, Cadets,

I’ve spent hours working on a video to post, and still haven’t quite got the hang of the editing part of things; accordingly, we’ll tinker with it some more tomorrow, and for now — let’s talk about boundaries.

Narcissists hate other people’s boundaries. To a psychopath, other people’s boundaries are Do Not Enter zones, and the narcissist is a big, fat slab of HOW DARE YOU TELL ME I CAN’T GO THERE. To us, boundaries are a healthy and normal way to protect your ego, your thoughts and emotions, and even your plans and activities. To narcissists, other people’s boundaries are extremely offensive and dangerous, and are best demolished, trampled, and eradicated. Boundaries are yet another arena in which narcissists don’t play well with others.

Let’s say you are on a second date with a gentleman, and because he’s a psychopath, he’s read all your tiny gestures and hints and pushed all your buttons, and you’re rather taken with him. Then, he asks you, of all the bizarre things, about your periods. Or how much money you have. This is startling to you, and the reason it catches you off-guard is because of your boundaries. At this point, a part of you tells you to RUN. RUN FAST AND RUN FAR. GOD HELP US, BEAM ME UP SCOTTIE, SOMEONE CALL ME AN UBER, STAT.

But you don’t, because you’re emotionally generous and you assume he must have misspoke. So you play it off a bit: “That’s an odd question. Let’s talk about something else.”

And now the war is on. Get ready for the most covert interrogations and non sequiturs of your life, as this bozo annoys the tar out of you, passive-aggressively trying to pry your private information out of you at any cost.

Hell will freeze over before he gives up on invading your boundaries. And it’s not just personal information; if there’s a room in your house where you let clutter and mess accumulate, THAT is the room he MUST stick his neurotic nose, as soon as your back is turned. He’ll get into your phone, computer, diary, refrigerator, planner, medicine cabinet, and underwear drawer, all as soon as possible. Because you fascinate him? No, because he’s so crazy that he finds your boundaries threatening, and only by stomping on them can he feel like he’s “won”. Like he is so slick that he can pull one over on you. Like you only had the boundaries so you could hide things from him, things he needs to know to be SAFE.

Please let your boundaries do their job and protect your inner territory, Cadets, and listen to those alarms which go off when they’re violated. Psychopaths do this whenever they can. Good men rarely do, if ever. If you’re coming out of a “relationship” with a narcissist, your boundaries might need some repair work; these repairs call for peace, rest, trust, and self-care. The enhanced confidence and self-esteem gained by dumping that manure ball are a bonus.

5 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

by Aunt Alex | May 30, 2016 · 9:45 pm

Missing Him Monday- 5/30/16

At ease, Cadets; we hope everyone is having a peaceful and safe Memorial Day weekend. Today, let’s talk a little about the searing, excruciating pain of missing the narcissist.

Why on Earth can a brilliant, attractive, capable gal give birth to twins, or perform brain surgery, or nurse a beloved family member in their last days, and get through it with flying colors, but when she breaks up with a narcissist, it can feel like she’s had multiple organs removed by someone shoving their hand into her torso like Castiel in Supernatural fishing around for Bobby Singer’s soul, and now it’s infected and she’s bleeding internally? No, you’re right — a break-up with a narcissist can hurt much more than that.

If the break-up has happened to you, maybe you’re feeling like the only way to abate the pain even a little is to reconcile with the toad. Or at least talk with him. Tell him how you feel, and make him explain himself. See if there’s hope for the both of you, and if he wants to change.

Now, let’s do a brief exercise. Let’s close our eyes, and picture you going out and buying yourself a blow-up doll. You know, the kind they sell at those stores in New York that have signs in the window advertising “rabbits”. You take the blow-up doll home, and inflate him. Then, take a Sharpie marker and add on any facial hair or tattoos the narcissist might possess, and dress him in the ex’s clothes.

Here’s where it gets good. Now, picture yourself driving around with the blow-up doll in the passenger’s seat, and you beaming with happiness and serenity. Envision walking into a cafe, and sitting him in a chair at your table, and ordering yourself a glass of wine and one for your plastic, air-filled friend. How are you feeling? Connected? Proud to be seen with the blow-up doll? Loved? Hopeful the relationship with the doll will grow?

Allow us to go out on a limb here, and wager a guess you might be feeling none of those things. You might feel absurd, ridiculous, empty, pathetic, stupid, embarrassed, and like you’d better leave the cafe before someone takes your picture with your companion and posts it on an unflattering website. Or looks at you with concern and asks you if there’s someone they can call for you.

And so we get to the point: You’re at risk of being awash with every single one of those feelings if you ever made up and returned to the narcissist, and for exactly the same reasons: The narcissist is empty, pretend, and embarrassing to be seen with. He doesn’t love, or connect, or empathize; he only takes up space and frustrates you by not being able to relate to you like a real person. He’s an attention addict, and attention from anyone, anywhere, is far, far more important to him than normal relationship time will ever be.

If the narcissist has recently toddled off, that devaluation hurts. It hurts a lot. You might feel like you’re going crazy. You’re not; in fact you dodged a bullet. And while you heal, give your kids, the dog, your healthy family or friends all a hug. Those hugs will be far more real and meaningful than anything the narcissist ever could pull off, and your assignment is to let yourself feel it.

5 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

by Aunt Alex | May 29, 2016 · 8:23 pm

The Psychopath On A Holiday Game!

It’s another holiday weekend in America, and everyone is having a wonderful time with their psychopath, picnicking, frolicking with children, swimming, gardening, having backyard dinners and campfires. He’s fun and happy, not drinking too much, and feeling lucky to be there with you, and having him around gives you a sense of peace and well-being. Right?

Right?

Oh, you’re not whining because he’s getting hammered, or spending all of your money, or has disappeared without telling you where he’s going, are you? He’s not embarrassing you at your sister’s place by pretending to be an insufferable know-it-all while being wrong most of the time, surely? He’s never touched you or talked about you inappropriately in front of his friends, or taken you somewhere to a party and then left you to go talk to other people — and seemingly forgot you were there, right? Only a jerk would do any of those things.

Cadets, Aunt Alex loves you, and hopes you’re spending the holiday with people who see that you’re a treasure and treat you like it, too. But if you’re not, please know that this is a fabulous opportunity in disguise — to play the…

Psychopath On A Holiday Game!

Two points for each correct answer. No peeking at your neighbor’s screen! LET’S PLAY!!

(1) You get home after working a holiday shift, tired and brain-dead and with sore feet. Your man:

a). Makes you a daiquiri and offers to rub your feet

b). Asks you about ordering some take-out while you get in the shower

c). Told you he’d be there, but is nowhere to be found, and left you a note listing some things he needs you to do, and tells you not to wait up

d). Is drunk and on the phone inviting friends over for a cookout, which he expects you to prepare

(2) The lawn and garden are a mess, and you both decide to have a satisfying weekend of working outside. Your man:

a). Gets up early to get a head-start on the mowing, so you can do the gardening together

b). Looks adorable trying to figure out how to turn on the rental roto-tiller

c). Called a friend, and said he forgot about the gardening and promised his friend he’d go kayaking with him. And leaves.

d). Lazes around until your attractive neighbor stops by, and then leaps into action, carrying heavy bags of mulch in front of her with his shirt off

(3) You catch the douche canoe in a lie about where he was last night. Your man:

a). Explains he only fibbed to cover up a surprise for you, and gives you a puppy named America

b). Rolls his eyes at you and says he can’t deal with your paranoia right now, and leaves.

c). Shrugs, and says, bizarrely and falsely, “After all the times you’ve lied, I’m surprised you’re making a big deal out of it.”

d). Pretends he doesn’t know what you’re talking about until you give up.

Congratulations, Cadet, you win!!

And I’m sorry about that.

It’s about 6 weeks until Independence Day. Let’s see if we can get rid of the dead weight in your life before then, shall we?

To all those who have served or are serving in the Armed Forces, or are a member of a military family — Aunt Alex and the entire Army thank you for your service.