Five Things That Are More Useful Than a Narcissist During Stressful Times:
1. A chocolate teapot. Can be eaten with a spoon after it melts all over your stove.
2. A car made out of sugar. Good for starting conversations.
3. A chia pet named after your ex-toad. Can be thrown against the side of a toolshed, which makes a very satisfying thud and crashing sound.
4. A hand-drawn $4 bill. Can be crumpled and used to start a campfire.
5. A burned-out lightbulb. Can hold it over your head and make jokes about how your ideas were so brilliant that they blew out the lightbulb over your head.
Dear Alexandra:
Love your blog, and laughed out loud at “Five Things That Are More Useful…” Your book, Toads and the Women Who Kiss Them is wonderful. (Been there, had my own toad, wish I hadn’t.) I recommended it on my Relationships 101 blog. Now I want to read your other books. So glad I found you.
Glad you’re here too, Jessica. Welcome to The Army.
After reading all of the posts on this website, I am now ready to leave a comment myself. This particular post is the first thing that has actually had me laughing for the first time in about 3 months. Especially number 3, loved it.
Just a short first comment, to keep it brief, but I feel it is appropriate with the title of this post. The most stressful time of my life was last year when my Dad passed away unexpectedly. The narc? Nowhere to be seen. Had to lie to friends and family when they asked where he was, why wasn’t he with me. This should have been the biggest red flag ever – why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t support me when I am going through the worst time of my life? But no, I hung around for another year until he ended things 2 days before the first anniversary of my Dad’s death.
It is ‘comforting’ in the best way possible to read so many other people’s stories and experiences, knowing I am not alone.
Thank you for this blog, it has helped me to move on to the next stage of my getting over him.
Dear Aunt Alex,
I love this site and your hilariously funny and insightful texts!!! I keep coming back frequently in the hope that you have added something new, and if you have, it always lifts my spirits! I adore your laugh out loud style and it has helped me a lot to get over the slimey toad/s in my life.
Its enlightening and healing to finally put the pieces of the puzzle together by looking back to things that were said and situations that occured during the relationshit and REALISE the extreme fakery, infantilism, lies and phonyness that were there, right from the outset, but were not recognised by me, because I did not expect ever, that anyone could be like this and he was very good at presenting himself as the respectable, caring, genuine, sincere, truthworthy, reliable, slightly shy, previously hurt and now more than ready for a commited and loving relationship type of gentleman…and I have been round the block a few times. Your texts help me to reconnect with aspects of my personality that have nearly faded away during my sickening ‘connection’ with the toad. Thank you Aunt Alex and please keep it coming!!!:-)) xo
I did so well. Nine months of no contact. Then he called. I was strong. He came to see me. I was confident. He was so ashamed. He loves me and wants me back… I felt the old twisting pain but my broken heart began to cave…he loves me.. we can have our life back. Maybe, just maybe Ian wrong and he isn’t a toad after all… but the pain in my belly wouldn’t go away. For two weeks we talked of our second chance. My broken heart was hopeful… forgiveness at hand… then last night he casually mentioned that he had a date with another woman as I it was the most normal thing to do…he casually said he was on his way to take her to dinner… the cold, evil TOAD…. I have been discarded two weeks after being sucked back in… I’m so angry at myself!!! How could I let this happen? I’m hurt and disgusted and also relieved it is over… the pain in my belly is subsiding…. maybe I am stronger. No contact, day one. Auntie Alex, you were right all along. It is even uglier the second time… I do not want a third time. Why did I allow this? So now I begin again.
Aw, Sweetie. Please don’t be too hard on yourself. You didn’t “let” this happen; an unscrupulous douchebag took advantage of your emotional generosity. Block his calls, emails, and texts, and hopefully you’ll have enough peace for a while to rebuild your boundaries.
It really does help to think of them as big, walking bags of pus and lies. It’s not far from the truth, and it’ll help you remember the word “liar” every time you have to listen to the twaddle coming out of his pie hole.