Whenever Aunt Alex hears this, a little part of her soul dies: “It hardly even bothers me anymore. I’ve gotten so used to it.”
Friends, if you find yourself saying this and staying with a narcissist because you’re numb to some of the abuse, please — hie thee to the Army Boot Camp. It is not healthy to be adjusted to an unhealthy situation. And situations don’t get any unhealthier than trying to work with a toad.
If you’re used to bad treatment, that’s a soul-crushing place to be in your life, and I for one won’t have it. Get to work on your exit strategy, and soon, you’ll be toad-free, relaxed, and fulfilled, saying, “You know, this good life, I’m getting used to it.”
I need your help Aunt Alex! He is hurting me. He has replaced me with a BIMBO!!!! an idiot bleached blond with plastic nose and plastic boobs without a college education! I’m highly educated and a successful professional. I am just dumbfounded!!!!!! I thought they try to replace their women with better ones! what the hell is he doing??? and he shamelessly posted a photo of himself dancing and having a grand old time only a few weeks after I told him I can’t take all your lies anymore! AND he made sure to write under the photo that it was taken by HER and he signed it with hearts and kisses!!! where was he? in OUR special hide out place!!!! I originally ignored the photo but now, after months of NO CONTACT at all, he has made it his COVER photo on FB. He KNOWS this hurts me, he has no consideration for my feeling what so ever!!! I understand that he might be doing it for her but shouldn’t he be more courteous? It’s insane!!! am I wrong to feel this is WRONG???
Oh, Sweetie. ::hugs:: Of course it’s wrong to taunt and flaunt. But toads don’t get the difference between right and wrong, or courtesy, or decency, or discretion, or class. Toads can’t care about others, which is why this hurts so much.
No woman is “better” than another in their world; “newer” is better, just because it’s another person to fool and use. He only wants someone who doesn’t see him for who he really is, and who can live in his La-La-Land of Denial for as long as possible. His new girlfriend might be just as sweet and honest and generous as anyone’s kid sister, but she’s being used and abused, and soon will be just as forgotten and hurt — and he’ll move on.
Until he wants something. He’ll dig through the closet of former loves, calling, texting, visiting exes, looking for ego-feed, until someone new pops into his life. Please don’t let yourself be collateral damage (again), when he does.
I don’t know who you are Alexandra, I don’t even know how I found you… but You have Saved my life and for that I will be eternally grateful. I found you when I had no hope, and no one to turn to. No one, including myself, could understand what the hell was wrong with me. Why this relationship, this breakup, this whole MESS was so debilitating. Why nothing was NORMAL! It has been a hard road, sometimes I was ready to through in the towel. He has shown no regard, no mercy! I’ve said nothing to him. The day I said goodbye I left for good and been silent ever since. He wasted no time in finding someone else (actually he found her, while we were still together, I just didn’t know about her until after the break up). He has been shameless, flaunting her on FB and even recycling OUR love-letters (word-by-word), dedicating them to her this time!!! I’ve kept silent, and it hurts!!! sometimes I would like to scream and say HOW CAN YOU BE SO PUBLICLY FAKE AND SHAMELESS!!!?? sometimes I want to email this new LOVE of his all that would discredit him, but I’ve never done so. I’ve kept silent, and I feel like i’m suffocating. I wish I had never met him. I wish I could turn the hands of time and change one little thing: the moment I said HELLO to him!
Hey Hurt,
I hope you are feeling better. The madness and chaos will subside. You will be able to look back at the relationship for what it was. You may not like what you’ll see, but you will see with more clarity as the hurt and turmoil of searing hot devaluation (and taunting, apparently) abide. I know it sounds like an incantation, but it’s not. There will come a point when whoever replaced you in his lack of affections will matter much, much less. There might even be a time when you are relieved he has moved on to other preys.
For now, be as good to yourself as you can, and whatever you do, don’t beat yourself up. And forgo FB if you can for a while.
Hugs.
Aunt Alex, I’m waiting for your response please. I will be grateful.
I’ve hit rock bottom tonight. My mother never loved me, my father never showed any affection, neither did my brother who sold his soul, my narc was a fake husband and my children use me. I have never felt so worthless in my whole life. I gave and gave, still give and give. There is nothing. Nothing at all. I’m worthless.
Dearest Alexandra, what is the best way of getting in touch with you? I desperately need your guidance and help. May I have an email address to email you privately please? you are my only hope. Thanks.
alexandranouri@gmail.com. Sometimes the inbox gets long and takes time, but I answer all letters. ~hugs~
I do so well for awhile then the grief monster comes back… does this really mean I’m getting better and strong enough to feel emotions that have been buried so long? This is a long, lonely walk… and it hurts so much…damn these soul crushing toads! At least I can can get away from toads…the person I am alone with is a loving, sweet woman…the person a toad is alone with is hideous and they know it… brings me some small comfort… how do I stay patient enough to allow healing in it’s own time? I want to be ok again!!! NOW!!!
They all suck the life out of you. I have a question though. If you are mean enough to them after you discard THEM, will they just go away?!!!!