Pep Talk.

One Response to Pep Talk.

1. Jayne

   July 7, 2013 at 3:41 pm

   Dear Alexandra please help me stop this endless babble that goes on continually in my head night and day. It just won’t stop.

   I had the briefest encounter with a young man who seems to fit your description of Toad Boy.

   I got out of it and haven’t contacted him since April. Last saw him end of May his doing not mine. Although I will admit to viewing his Uncles Facebook account as it has one picture of him….although he is turned away and you can’t see his face. A good thing I hear you say.

   He appears now to have moved on and lost all interest (if he ever had any real interest) in me.

   What I wanted right?

   On paper I do but my heart pines for him incessantly. He colours everything I touch, see, feel, think and do…..it’s exhausting, frustrating and humiliating.

   Why do I want a proven liar with self confessed stories of horrific violence who swears like a trouper, declared he had a dead heart, wanted us to go swimming with dolphins when in reality couldn’t even meet up for coffee, kissed like a sink plunger with stubble looking to devour me and called every other woman an old’ bag or referred to them as cold and distant.

   Not to mention his apparent psychic abilities where he would think over the days before pictures again and again to see things (which eerily he had an uncanny knack of getting right-weird). Finally this same individual believed he could see pictures in people’s eyes ever since a medium told him a dead childhood friend, who died suddenly in a road traffic accident, was watching over him. This friend appeared to have a profound effect on this person and he missed him to this day hinting that all might not have been straightforward in his death!

   He always said that no one understood him even his own family. He liked his Uncle a lot but if his face book page is an accurate indication of the man he to is vile.

   So why why in the hell as an intelligent woman am I having the hardest job kicking this man out of my head?

   Yes he is very attractive. Yes he is the only person who as shown an interest in me in nearly 12 years. Yes I got insanely excited. Yes it all broke me out of my dull as ditchwater routine, cooking, cleaning, work, walking the dog, kids, looking after elderly relatives. Who’s head wouldn’t have been turned by a man 13yrs their junior saying yummy things.

   But saying is all he did and yummy turned to yucky real fast and then he bailed when I challenged him about his newer behaviours. Then we got the silent treatment peppered with intermittent lazy stalking and staring.I.E he wouldn’t go out of his way to find me but if our paths crossed he loved to lock eyes with me and stare me out. I would always break the line of sight first and simply walk away.

   So he’s gone now yes?

   Me….I’ve reconnected to all aspects of my life and thrown some new ones in for good measure. New people. New Activities.

   I am actively being kind to myself and deliberately putting a positive spin on everything I do but to no avail. Honestly I’m numb and feeling pretty low. I want to recontact that no hoper who I know can’t ever give me what I really need need but why? I’m such a moron. Why has he left such a gaping void of emptiness? I got bored before I knew him but never felt this total emptiness, despair and loneliness. What on earth is the matter with me? Why can I not simply embrace this as an experience in my life, draw a line under it, let go and move on?

   Why am I living with the ghost of his existence every waking moment and how to severe these ties to my now tortured, pathetic and needy soul.

   I so want my peace back. He has woven some powerful magic and poisoned my reasoning. I can only begin to imagine the adrenalin, anxiety ridden crazy making world of individuals who go onto marry and/or live with these types of individuals. In a few months he totally turned my life upside down and tore through my emotions like a Tornado yet like I say I feel like I’ d have him back in my life in a heartbeat. Although as you can see my sensible side says what am I doing to myself. That this man clearly is not interested in me or healthy for me and to carry on walking away eventually he will leave my mind.

   But here I am no further forward than the last day I saw him. Please reassure me in some way if you can.

   Am I mad?
   Will he stop renting my headspace one day?
   Am I being a spoilt foolish brat?
   Is there something I am missing?

   I am so lost here. Can you signpost me back home to me?

   Incidentally love your site have relied on it heavily to get me so far.

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