Now, this isn’t something you want to share with any narcissists, but it is such a sweet sentiment. Never, ever, EVER. I get all warm inside when I hear it. *sniff*
Hyperbole aside, let’s talk a minute about the word ‘never’. ‘Never’ means ‘I’d rather shave my eyebrows with a rusty chainsaw than ever be in the same room with you again’. It can also mean ‘You’re a deadbeat, and you’ve been evicted permanently from my head’. ‘Never’ does NOT mean, ‘I want to be dramatic and give an ultimatum, but of course I don’t mean it’. It doesn’t mean that at all. The Army is very clear on this, Cadets. Give YOURSELF chances, not narcissists. Be emotionally generous to YOURSELF, not toads.
Here’s a version for the gents. This one is fun.
Dear treasured Aunt Alex its almost the festive season and a perfect time for me to take stock because a year ago almost to the day I walked away from my N and you and the other commentators on this site have kept me sane. Then the other day I came home from work and I saw out of the corner of my eye a long black nose peeking out from behind the oven. Yikes a rat and we all know that one rat means a family of and so began the dance of ammonia hyper care with garbage and daily baiting. I blocked up holes, I ate out or lived on apples, I sought advice…humane traps or straight up and down poison? Bait stations are best I feel…get the big guns out, stick to the new regime never let the side down and today there have been no nasty surprises and the bait is still there…JUST LIKE getting rid of the narcissist wouldn’t you say. Have a good holiday bless everyone who shares and bless you Aunt Alex…most of all.
Ah yes so true. Pests, vermin, and rodents, they are sly sneaky bastards. A constant vigil is required until completely eradicated.
Very apt analogy. And the “humane” trap? Nah. I’ve heard it said on this site that we should be glad when the N “moves on to the next victim.” Let’s rethink that…would you want the rats to infest the neighbor’s house? No, because it means they will continue to happily thrive, multiply and eventually be able to make their way back, if not to your house, then maybe to the house of someone you care about. I know it’s not always possible-BUT, if it is possible, take out a rat so that it can “never, ever, ever” come back. If you can make it so that the N leaves at least limping, it will take him that much longer to re-infest and multiply his evil. If enough of us act like soldiers to stop the enemy and not just get him to move on, we will grow in strength and numbers, and they will shrink. Think “terminator”, as in “exterminator”. Its not mean (that’s what they want us to think), its the kindest thing we can do for ourselves and our fellow decent human beings. Pull all your energy in and shut the door, and let them starve.
eww rats, once in a great while I find mouse turds – as we live near a corn field you have to get rid of the colony and nests and they eventually will go elsewhere –
I just had a wonderful holiday season…without him…without any contact at all. I enjoyed myself in the company of family and friends…. I did not walk on eggshells at all, or cringe even once… I never want to suffer a narcissist holiday ever again. I was so worried I would miss him. I did not miss the horrible crap he pulled on holidays. I did not miss the real, toady him at all! Thanks to Aunt Alex and the army! Knowledge is empowering.
hey there stranger – I spent a pain free, peaceful christmas – it was wonderful – we didnt do anything great – good food and good healthy and my family – They destroy anybody and any occasion that is happy – they cant STAND it when we are happy – so let them be fake, miserable and alone for eternity! hugs
I have been doing so well, but something has triggered nightmares about him. Also weird memories and “ah ha ” moments… maybe my mind is getting strong enough to deal with truths I had locked away? I am trying to keep moving forward. I wish I NEVER met him… no good can come from a relationship with a toad. I want to heal from the damage he caused…some days I feel so stuck… it is getting better every day though.
I have spent 4 Christmas’s without my N, but he made it clear that he will not let me go that easy.
Every once in awhile he will go into these rampages and start coming back into my life even if its using 3rd parties to do so. I let him wear me down so long(9 year marriage) that when I finally left him, I thought he would destroy me . I cared what he thought of me and he tried to convince others that I was a the evil one. But since he was a compulsive liar and people knew who I was that did not last a long time. I had to stop caring about what he thought of me and sometimes ignoring them does not work. They are so ego broken when you start empowering yourself that they try to take away the most importnant thing to you and that is your right and your freedom to live HAPPY without them. I am picking up the pieces one by one. It is not worth staying with someone like this unless you are one yourself.
For all of you who think the narcissist is having a happy joyous holiday with the new target — think again with your SMART noggin. Remember the old holidays when he was still abusing your beautiful behind? Most likely it went one of three ways: he made the day miserable by sulking over his last crazy ex (you know, the one who ruined his life); he made the day miserable by raging about an immense crises – invented by himself to get attention; OR he made the day miserable by devaluing your beautiful brain because you caught onto him and he was forced to line up yet another target. ALL while you showered him with gifts and affections he didn’t even notice–wrapped up in his own personal psycho drama. No matter how you slice it he made the day MISERABLE! You think he’s suddenly changed? Suddenly able to see the true beauty of the holiday? WRONG again! He’s the same pile of passive aggressive chaotic hatred he’s always been–only YOU’RE not there to experience it. Thank god! That is your Holiday gift this year. You don’t have to listen to it, get confused by it, or abused by it any more. Merry festivus! You graduated, you’re out! The current target is just beginning her hell. Crying her eyes out because he ignored her $300 gift, all the gifts she bought for the kids and churning in her insides knowing he’s texting another target from the bathroom or planning his next online ménage a trois. Lucky her! Even if your holiday consists of a wedge of harvarti and a Chivas regal under a one foot, prelit holly bush from dollar plus-YOU WIN! Toast your sanity, your new found peace, and the knowledge that he will never be happy with what he has…EVER, no matter WHAT. Now go give those cherubic carolers some of your Chivas. For all you know, one of their parents is one of “them.”