The Sunday Six: Six Things On the Internet, Free of Charge.

Troops, Aunt Alex loves you, and so she wants to make sure you know about things like these.

1. Unlimited music you will really like.



Some buy many, many tracks on Amazon

Troops find it free of charge, here:


2. All of Peter McWilliams’ books.

mcw 1

mcw 2

Some buy them on Amazon.

Troops find all books by Peter McWilliams, free of charge, here:


3. All the deeply moving photos your soul can stand.

appalachia 1964


anne frank

Some buy lots of magazines.

Troops find them free of charge, here:


4. Scamworld: The Story, and The Video.


Some buy it on Amazon.

Troops, to find it free of charge, click on the book image.


 5.  What the Dog Saw, by Malcolm Gladwell.


Some buy it on Amazon.

Troops find all the chapters in article form, free of charge.  Click on the book image.


6.  Absolutely Fabulous.

You want to see some pop culture narcissists in action?  You’ll like how ridiculous the ladies of Ab Fab can be.

Some buy the DVDs.

Troops find episodes free of charge on LogoTV.  (And youtube.)

More to come, dears.


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Pep Talk.

This gentleman is a hard-working member of Aunt Alex’s Army.  Whether he knows it or not.


Next time a narcissist pretends to be adorable, compare him to this kid, and see how he measures up.

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Fixing it.

Troops, I’d like to present the latest volume in the Aunt Alex’s Army compendium.

mending the mirror



Mending the Mirror: What Science and Medicine Have to Say About Fixing the Narcissistic Personality, In Plain English, is the result of Aunt Alex spending many late nights curled up with scientific studies, books, and medical journals, shaking her head in frowning disbelief, vowing to spread the word to the troops about her findings.  And her findings just aren’t pretty, Troops.


brain scans - psychopaths


Does it ever seem like the mental health world has hope to offer people with personality disorders and their families, but the hope tends to be very vague and the evidence very obscure?  In Mending the Mirror, we’ve sorted out what the research has been, what the findings are, what has been tried, and what the scientists are working on now.  We’ll go through why that hope is so vague — and why toads act the way they do.  We’ll do all of this with scientific data and medical references, all in plain, clear, simple English (something at which scientists and doctors tend to be somewhat untrained).



I’d like some thoughtful feedback about this book.  If you’re interested and willing, please drop me a line at  The first six responses will get a free digital file of the book, and in return I ask only for an honest review on Amazon.




In the meantime, the above was taken at Army Headquarters, where it is currently a brisk 8 degrees Fahrenheit.  Factor in the wind chill, and it’s -15  — that’s fifteen below zero, thank you very much.  Bundle up, Troops.  Mother Nature is reminding us who’s the boss.




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Viva la Voice

lamott quote

Preach it, Sistah Anne.

Troops, if you ever feel like you need to edit your own pasts to protect abusers, or to give toads the benefit of the doubt, or to keep from making waves (all MUCH more honorable reasons than the narcissist’s reasons, when he edits the past just to get what he wants), well, let those days be over.

Talk about, write down, and/or think through what happened with clarity, confidence and honesty, and let the responsibility for events fall where it may.  You know the reality, and it’s time to trust it.  The Army is protecting YOU.  It’s giving YOU the benefit of the doubt.  It’s calming things in YOUR mind and YOUR life.

End the voicelessness.  Tell your story.  Let the healing begin.





Note to give props: ‘Boy Reading to Elephant’ is by one of Aunt Alex’s favorite artists, Gregory Colbert.  You can check him out at

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Dear Aunt Alex — 1/21/13

::Because Aunt Alex gets mail.

 Inarguably,bat-house crazy.


Dear Aunt Alex,

You call them narcissists, but they also sound just like psychopaths, or sociopaths, or antisocials.  They do the exact same things.  Does calling them narcissists let them off the hook, when, really, they are social predators?  Do you think there’s a difference between narcissists and sociopaths?




Dear Gracie,

This is a great question.  The short answer: There are differences between all of those, but those differences aren’t meaningful for the troops.  All toads are toxic, and useless in relationships, and will ruin your life.  Neither arsenic nor gasoline are good in a pie, and neither narcissists nor sociopaths are good in any part of your life.

So, having said that, here’s a primer on toads:

Narcissists, psychopaths, antisocial types, and sociopaths all are “defined” by the way they are seen by mental health professionals.

Also bat-house crazy, no?

Unfortunately for those who seek understanding, this mental health perspective of things is always changing.  However, most doctors, scientists and therapists agree that there is a lot of overlap among them all.  The general issues clumping them together are empathy and disordered thinking.  They’re bat-house crazy, and don’t care about other people.  The subtle differences between them tend to involve whether they’ve been arrested yet or not, minor differences in their ability to control themselves or cover their butts, how grandiose they are, and whether or not they’ve tortured anyone physically.  Those differences are important for scientists who are working on figuring things out, but they’re not important for the rest of humanity.


The point?  They’re all the same.  So, the next time a narcissist sends you a text, assure yourself: I want to gush to my friends about how thrilled I am that the psychopath is still in my life.  I want to invite the criminal over for dinner.  It’s really not so hard for others to see how adorable a sociopath can be.  It’ll ruin your life, but it’ll keep him away from the rest of us.

I like your question a lot, Gracie, because the words we use are critical to how we make our decisions and sort out our feelings.  Toads are nasty business, and if calling a toad a ‘psychopath’ or a ‘criminal’ instead of a ‘narcissist’ helps put their true nature into focus, by all means, do it.


It’s absolutely true that he is all of those things.  Whether he comes in “has a police record” or “physically abusive” varieties, doesn’t matter.  Call it poison, or toxin, or contaminant, or bad-bad-icky-stuff, I want that arsenic kept out of my pie.

what he is


Aunt Alex is finishing up work on a manuscript, the research for which has taken the Army’s understanding of toads (and the hopelessness of trying to get along with them) to a whole new level.  Stay tuned.


aunt alex



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Now, this isn’t something you want to share with any narcissists, but it is such a sweet sentiment.  Never, ever, EVER.  I get all warm inside when I hear it.  *sniff*

Hyperbole aside, let’s talk a minute about the word ‘never’.  ‘Never’ means ‘I’d rather shave my eyebrows with a rusty chainsaw than ever be in the same room with you again’.  It can also mean ‘You’re a deadbeat, and you’ve been evicted permanently from my head’.  ‘Never’ does NOT mean,  ‘I want to be dramatic and give an ultimatum, but of course I don’t mean it’.  It doesn’t mean that at all.  The Army is very clear on this, Cadets.  Give YOURSELF chances, not narcissists.  Be emotionally generous to YOURSELF, not toads.

Here’s a version for the gents.  This one is fun.


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Found Around Town

Stolen from Lisa E. Scott’s Facebook page. Because this is pretty much the summary of the Army’s message. (The problem, of course, is that for most narcissists, “asshole” is too big of a word, too. Try, “go”.)


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The Toadbuster Calendar

Narcissists hate momentum. To narcissists, there is nothing good about momentum. Momentum is powerful, positive, and takes on a life of its own — all things that terrifies a narcissist. And with momentum, you expect more of those things as time goes by, not less.

Aunt Alex’s Army loves momentum. Momentum is powerful, positive, and takes on a life of its own — all things that energize and empower the Army. And here’s one way to get your own momentum rolling.

As you detach from the toxic fun-as-cholera psycho known as the narcissist, every day counts. Every hour that you don’t respond to him or have any contact with him at all, counts. This is because it gets easier with time, especially when you have supportive people, like friends and family and the Army, around you keeping you focused. You want those hours to grow into days, and you want those days to accumulate uninterrupted.

So, get yourself a calendar. Lots of businesses have them for free, especially this time of year. If you can’t find one or buy one right now, make one.

Every day that you don’t have contact with the narcissist, cross that day off with a big X. If you respond to the narcissist, or have contact with him in any way, don’t put an X on that day. What you’re looking for is a long chain of crossed-out days on your calendar, unbroken. This might not happen right away, but I promise you — as your rows of crossed-out days on your calendar grow, you’ll be able to see why it is that you’re feeling gradually healthier — and gradually better. Like you’re recovering from cholera.

If you’re the competitive type, put yourself to a 30-day challenge, of good eating, good projects, and staying the hell away from assclowns. Let the considerable power of momentum start to carry you along, as your commitment builds and shows itself, and the only rule is to take care of yourself.


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Dear Aunt Alex – 10/13/12

:: Because Aunt Alex gets mail.

Dear Aunt Alex,

This is unbearable. I’ve failed at trying to make this relationship work, and I know he’s a narcissist, but I see something in him, something boyish and lovable. And he keeps coming back. Surely that means something? It’s great that women have Aunt Alex’s Army if they want it, but I don’t need army life, I just need a hug from him.

Signed, Kristin

Dear Kristin,

I know you want a hug from him, but would it help to get a big one from Aunt Alex? And some army cadets?

There are a lot of feelings going on in your letter, but the answer to it all is nestled right in there.

“I know he’s a narcissist…”

STOP! That, right there.

“But –”

There isn’t a ‘but’ in the world that negates that part about his being a narcissist.

“Right, OK, but –”

Not one single thing. He’s a narcissist. That little fact changes everything. You didn’t fail at making anything work; he did. You don’t see boyishness in him, you see immaturity. You don’t see lovability in him, you see manipulation. And he keeps coming back because he wants to get things from you and use you. And, surely, what he does doesn’t mean anything.

Now, this hurts. Your heart is broken. And you definitely, positively need a hug. But looking for a hug from a narcissist, a warm, meaningful hug that isn’t coming with strings attached, is an exercise in futility and emotional disaster. A disaster which you, Kristin, are living right now. But look for that hug from people who genuinely care about you, and you’ll get the hug, the respect, the care, and the dignity and emotional reciprocity you deserve.

The photo of the double rainbow was taken near Army Headquarters, a narcissist-free zone. We get them here pretty frequently. Coincidence? I think not.


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The Friday Five — September 28, 2012

This week’s Friday Five — Five things that are WAY more likely than a narcissist ever changing for the better.

1. Dating a guy who’s saved the lives of two million babies.

2. Petting a unicorn whale.

3. Meeting a college freshman who’s 102 years old.

4. Four dogs destroying your truck, trying to chase a kitten.

5. Dating a guy whose house has been hit by meteorites six times.


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