Monthly Archives: February 2015

New Year, New You, Same Old Toad.

Dear Troops,

Dark days never last.

Auntie Alex is back from her covert, clandestine ops deployment, and is happy — very happy — to see so many people sticking with their toads, feeling certain that if they just work more, love harder, and try, try, try, the relationship will finally work out and they’ll be rewarded for all that devotion.  Hang in there, gals!  It won’t do any of you a blasted bit of good, but it helps keep the assclowns away from the rest of us!

For everyone else, it’s good to be back at Army Headquarters. Aunt Alex has seen so much.  It’s a scary world out there, ’tis true, but there is a radiant, enduring light at the end of the tunnel: You’re going to be OK.  If you’re here at the Army info page, you’ve been in a “relationship” with a narcissist.  A toad.  A poopstain so toxic that your head is left spinning, you’re questioning your sanity, and you feel like roadkill — 110% depleted, abused, and without hope.  All normal relationship snags and break-ups involve frustration, anger, and heartbreak, but normal fights and break-ups don’t leave you needing meds, a thousand reality checks, and a lawyer. It’s a scary world because it’s still infested with narcissists, and everyone must be careful lest they get ripped off, heartbroken, or attacked.

But if you’re here with us, you’re going to be OK.  You may not feel it at the moment, and sometimes just when you feel like you’ve got it together he catches you in a weak moment and you completely fall apart. (Please don’t beat yourself up when this happens.  Narcissists are very, very skilled at this, and the emotionally generous healthy person doesn’t stand much of a chance.)  You may watch other people who you know damn well are in a relationship with a narcissist, and they seem to be doing fabulously, and so you feel like a failure for not making your relationship work.  You may just feel like crap, emotionally devastated and not so great physically, either. All of this is hugely important, but it doesn’t change this fact: You’re going to be OK.


He won’t. The toad won’t be OK.  Ever.  He’ll continue to be really good at pretending he’s fabulous, but he’s not. He, and everyone in his inner circle, are flat-out miserable, I guarantee it.  Only people who are rotting inside work so intensely hard to try to prove they’re awesome, lucky, and enviable.

You won’t drop anchor at OK; you’ll go on to content, serene, and downright happy.  But for now, it’s fine to aim for OK. It’s a good place to rest.

For the narcissists and other toads reading this over the cadets’ shoulders: Hi, Douchebags.  Miss me?



photo credits: #1-aunt alex #2-banksy


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