Aunt Alex’s Army 2013 Muster

Toads, MSW_2:24 


No matter how hectic and chaotic things get on the front lines, Troops, we must reconvene at Aunt Alex’s Army Headquarters to regroup, and we must do it meaningfully and often.  There are obvious reasons, like our Monday Mojito Mixers and the Sunday Support Groups with the breaks for massages and spa treatments.  But we also must stay with the Army protocol because, well, we need the Code of Conduct.

Nearly everything in life steers us in the wrong direction.  

Complacency is easy and is the “default” mode of pretty much all living creatures, including gorgeous humans, and complacency makes us stay with toads and put up with their crap.  This is so that the living can save our energy for more important things, like caring for kids and gathering food. Putting up with the bullshit of toads requires so much less effort than second-guessing everything out of their mouths.  

Summarily rejecting everything they say and do, which is what The Army mandates, requires a cognitive shift that can take months of practice to perfect.  It doesn’t come naturally to the emotionally generous, and it’s tiring for anyone.  Friends and family prefer the status quo to any kind of change, and they let you know it and try to influence you not to “make waves”.  Society prefers that women keep families together and attach themselves to a man, even if it means quietly enduring soul-sucking emotional abuse.  The public just doesn’t want to hear it or get involved, even in this day and age.  

There may be kids to think about when one is partnered with a toad.  Or money might be a tangled mess or a scarcity, and no one relishes the prospect of entering the horrific dating scene yet again.  

The emotionally generous have kind and vulnerable hearts, which are geared toward connecting, not rejecting.  Toads can be masterfully warm, sexy, suave, seductive, romantic, generous, remorseful, charming, and persuasive, when there’s something to be gained by it, and the emotionally generous are easy targets.  Their traps are precisely set for the angelic, life-affirming, awesome traits of the emotionally generous.

The darkness and slime and vague, repulsive creepiness of an abusive relationship is somewhere no one wants to go willingly, and so people just stay away from it.  The public doesn’t want to deal with it, or go near it.  The victims maybe don’t want to face the ugliness head-on either, and tell themselves the insufferable relationship really that bad, or it’s fixable, or it’s somehow worth it to all parties involved.  No one dares call a narcissist a narcissist, for good reason — they’re afraid of him.  He’s unstable and, who knows, maybe he’ll flip out and possibly turn violent, or spread filthy lies, or manipulate and destroy.  Or leave, and the resulting devastation of devaluation to the emotionally generous feels like murder.  So people hunker down and take cover, and feel alone and vulnerable.  And very forgotten and undervalued.

Well, let’s just turn on the lights here, Cadets, shall we?


What do you call a narcissist buried in sand up to his neck?

A. A good start

B. Not enough sand


Why won’t a vampire attack a narcissist?

Answer: Professional courtesy.


“Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of narcissists?

He threatened to release one every hour, unharmed, if his

demands weren’t met.


What is the difference between a catfish and a narcissist?

Answer: One’s a bottom-crawling scum sucker, and the other is just a fish.


How can you tell when a narcissist is lying?

Answer: His lips are moving.


There’s nothing wrong with narcissists that reasoning with them won’t aggravate.


NOTHING about a narcissist makes spending time with them worthwhile.

They NEVER get better.


It’s obvious how true this is, and yet the world holds scant help and guidance and empowerment when it comes to getting on, and following, that path to being at your best.

And that, my friends, is why it takes an Army.


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4 Responses to Aunt Alex’s Army 2013 Muster

  1. Conny

    Thanks Auntie Alex! Needed a laugh today!

  2. Jacqui

    You are marvellous!

    A new friend to whom I shall always until my death be grateful, suggested my ex is a narcissist when I told her how stressed and unhappy I was. She has been my comfort and support since I ditched the slimeball over four months ago.
    I still often feel that I was to blame for all the things that went wrong and reading your blog HELPS SO MUCH. I am so very grateful, Aunt Alex! It’s like half my brain tells me he is a rotter but the other half sneaks in and tells me that I’m the one with the problem. Grrr! But I’m getting to the point where I have almost stopped crying and do not think of him 24 hours a day. So I am getting better. Thank you!

  3. Dear Aunt Alex, I love your book and I love you! Thank you for the most straight-talking, inspiring, comforting (but in a sit-up-and-take-note-from-favourite-grandma type of way), brilliant and cool words you’ve offered to all those creased, crumpled and squished peoples. Finding your work has been life-changing (and that expression in highly over-used, but I really mean it!). Please keep writing and putting your brilliant mind and thoughts out into this beautiful, but oh-so-far-away-from-being-kind-and-nurturing-towards-women-and-children world. Life is better because of wonderful you.

  4. Sajida

    Hilarious!!!!!! Love your blog!!!! Can’t get over the jokes!!!
    I have experienced everything you say and everything is coming to light.
    Thank you so much ?

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