I’ve spent hours working on a video to post, and still haven’t quite got the hang of the editing part of things; accordingly, we’ll tinker with it some more tomorrow, and for now — let’s talk about boundaries.
Narcissists hate other people’s boundaries. To a psychopath, other people’s boundaries are Do Not Enter zones, and the narcissist is a big, fat slab of HOW DARE YOU TELL ME I CAN’T GO THERE. To us, boundaries are a healthy and normal way to protect your ego, your thoughts and emotions, and even your plans and activities. To narcissists, other people’s boundaries are extremely offensive and dangerous, and are best demolished, trampled, and eradicated. Boundaries are yet another arena in which narcissists don’t play well with others.
Let’s say you are on a second date with a gentleman, and because he’s a psychopath, he’s read all your tiny gestures and hints and pushed all your buttons, and you’re rather taken with him. Then, he asks you, of all the bizarre things, about your periods. Or how much money you have. This is startling to you, and the reason it catches you off-guard is because of your boundaries. At this point, a part of you tells you to RUN. RUN FAST AND RUN FAR. GOD HELP US, BEAM ME UP SCOTTIE, SOMEONE CALL ME AN UBER, STAT.
But you don’t, because you’re emotionally generous and you assume he must have misspoke. So you play it off a bit: “That’s an odd question. Let’s talk about something else.”
And now the war is on. Get ready for the most covert interrogations and non sequiturs of your life, as this bozo annoys the tar out of you, passive-aggressively trying to pry your private information out of you at any cost.
Hell will freeze over before he gives up on invading your boundaries. And it’s not just personal information; if there’s a room in your house where you let clutter and mess accumulate, THAT is the room he MUST stick his neurotic nose, as soon as your back is turned. He’ll get into your phone, computer, diary, refrigerator, planner, medicine cabinet, and underwear drawer, all as soon as possible. Because you fascinate him? No, because he’s so crazy that he finds your boundaries threatening, and only by stomping on them can he feel like he’s “won”. Like he is so slick that he can pull one over on you. Like you only had the boundaries so you could hide things from him, things he needs to know to be SAFE.
Please let your boundaries do their job and protect your inner territory, Cadets, and listen to those alarms which go off when they’re violated. Psychopaths do this whenever they can. Good men rarely do, if ever. If you’re coming out of a “relationship” with a narcissist, your boundaries might need some repair work; these repairs call for peace, rest, trust, and self-care. The enhanced confidence and self-esteem gained by dumping that manure ball are a bonus.